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What Schedule?

On Saturday I met up with my girlfriends for lunch and my friend Jessica asked if we could meet a bit earlier so that her daughter, who is 7 months, could stay home and take her nap.

I thought “shit, she’s so damn organized,” which she is and I’m so… whatever.

My kids are not on a schedule. Of any kind.

Pea is on a semi-schedule now.

She’s an absolute night owl and is not the best sleeper and she has never been since birth. We tried that whole “put her on a schedule” thing when she was born and it didn’t work. So for my own sanity, I just decided to be a go with the flow mom. I had quit my job and was at home with her, so I could totally do that.

C.J. is on a schedule, but not because of me. He’s on a schedule because the women at daycare are Jedi masters of infants and get them to sleep at certain times.

At night, though, it’s just a free-for-all.

We get home and I have 8 million billion things that I need to do. So I set him down to play with his sister and get to it.

Sometimes, he takes an afternoon nap round 5 or so. Sometimes not.

Usually he gets fussy round 7 ish and is ready for bed. I try to keep him up as late as I can with hopes that it will help him to “sleep longer,” but no… that shit don’t work.

At night? It’s a shitshow. I’m an on demand feeder. Mostly because

fortheloveofGodIneedyoutostopcryingsothatIcansleepsinceIneedtowakeupsuperearlyinthemorningforwork

Go ahead.

Judge me.

I don’t give a shit.

Yes. I stick a boob in my son’s mouth at 2 am to get him to shut up.

There. I said it.

Fuck you, very much.

On a good night, he’ll only wake up twice for a feeding.

I try to let him cry a bit to self-soothe and shush him if that doesn’t work and rock him and hold him close and blah blah blah.

And then I feed him.

Cause dammit he’s 21 pounds and he’s fuckin hungry.

Some nights, like last night, I won’t feed him because I know he’s not hungry. He just wants to say Dada, Dada 2 million times at 3 am and I’m okay with that.

Some nights, when I’m overly tired. I’m not as welcoming to the thought. Those are the nights that I wish I had the presence of mind to try to put my kid on a schedule when he was born.

But I didn’t.

And you know, it is what it is.

When he falls asleep in the car? I sit in the car til he wakes up.

I try to prioritize things in my life and him being on a schedule? Isn’t a priority. Mostly because I don’t have anywhere pressing to be or to do. Shit gets done when it gets done.

I applaud Jessica, though, she ‘s got all her ducks in a row and I wish sometimes that could be me.

How bout you? Are your (were your) kids on a schedule or no?

Cause I failed at that

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Emailing Memories

I made an email address for Pea right before C.J. was born.

I thought it’d be a good way for me to communicate with her and give it to her when she’s older. I thought it would be a nice parting gift for college, but with the way technology is moving, she’ll probably need an email address in elementary school (the 5th graders in my school all have one because they use iPads). So, when I actually give her the password to the email address is still up in the air.

I usually send her pictures or videos. I may email her about a rough day she had or a great day she had. Whatever. I just want to drop little tidbits of her as a child for her to see when she’s older. I know it will give her some laughs. And because I’m not always good at orally communicating things, I thought it’d be a great way for me to pour my heart out to my little girl.

I emailed her again this morning, this is what it said:

Dear Cadence,

You drive me crazy- you know that?

I mean absolutely bonkers.

You are so independent. You want to do everything yourself and for the love of God you don’t listen very well! To me or your father.

But, you can be such an amazing little helper.

This morning, while I was washing the dishes you sat on the floor with your brother and played so nicely with him. Sometimes, you can be rough with him. I’m not sure that you understand that he is just a little 6 month old baby and can be hurt very easily.

But not today. Today, you sat with him and played with him and talked to him.

You are so great with him like that.

You read books to him. You “show him” how to use all of his toys. You try to teach him how to crawl and how to roll over… you even put on your “mommy voice,” which is extremely high-pitched. (I didn’t know that I sounded like that when I talk to him) But it’s cute. You’re mothering him.

And you are an amazing big sister. I can’t wait to see how your bond with him only gets stronger as you both get older.

You drive me crazy, you know. And I love you for it.

- Mommy

PeaCJWatchingTV

What memories are you leaving for your kids?

Do you write letters/blog/email?

I’d love to hear about it.

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Wordless Wednesday: He Speaks

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Working Mommy Woes: Starting Solids

I have had this post in my drafts folder for a while. I’ve been trying to figure out how to convey my feelings about starting solid foods… About how I feel guilty for not making C.J.’s baby food like I made Pea’s.

I mean, I make myself feel a **little** better because I buy . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Working Mommy Woes: Starting Solids

Wordless Wednesday on Thursday: Playing the Piano

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1,000 Ounces

Sometimes, you only get 8 minutes to pump at work.

It just bees like that.

And so, you take what you can get.

I don’t remember it being this difficult to pump at work the last time around. But at the same time, I was working at a private school and so . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: 1,000 Ounces