It was totally a parenting #fail.
I am so controlling when it comes to his allergies and he hasn’t had an allergic reaction at my hands since he was tested and diagnosed. I’m not really sure what happened yesterday and how we allowed it to happen, but it did.
I saw the early signs, he was coughing, but I thought he had gotten a bite of black pepper on his turkey.
He was rubbing his eyes, but I thought he was just tired. I mean, it was time for his nap.
Then his eye started to swell and I knew.
After his dose of Benadryl, I couldn’t even finish my Thanksgiving dinner.
My little guy, he’s such a warrior. Me? I’m a big fat mess.
I cried, as I had before, after the Benadryl stopped the swelling and coughing.
I think for someone who is as controlling as I am, having a baby boy that has an extreme allergy can be tough for me because it is something that I can control- just don’t give him anything with dairy or eggs duh. So when he has a reaction because of an oversight by me (or my husband) it makes me feel scared and angry. I mostly get angry at myself because: “HEY- what the fuck were you doing? You could’ve prevented this.”
He presses forward, like nothing ever happened. Smiling, laughing, talking and eating- happy as a clam.
I know that this is not the end of the world. I know that he can move forward in his life and keep his allergies under control safely. I know that it could be worse; I am thankful that it is not worse.
This is my reality, though, and so for me- his allergies are very, very real. I take them very personally. And sometimes, I feel sad for him. Not that he has allergies, but that he can’t have the opportunity to eat and taste whatever he wants. I hope that he grows out of it, although if he didn’t, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. We’ve learned how to manage his allergies and have adjusted pretty quickly to this lifestyle.
My anxiety doesn’t allow me to let certain things go very easily. So when he does have a reaction, I tend to think “what if.”
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. We fought so hard for this pregnancy and this little guy is our miracle. I can’t imagine anything ever happening to him, especially because of an oversight on my part.
Each day I look at his sweet face and I am reminded of how fortunate I am to be his mother- to be the mom for both of my children.
So yesterday, more than anything else, I gave thanks for my two healthy, smart, funny, amazing little ones who make every day worth living for me. And in that moment where my little guy has his very mild allergic reaction, my anxiety reminded me of how precious life is and how thankful we should be for it.
How bout you? If you celebrate, how was your Thanksgiving? If not, what are you thankful for right now?
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