Dear (Insert Your Name Here),

I think I have been fairly patient to this point. I see you when I go out… staring at me and my daughter and I listen as you try and entertain me in “ohh she’s so pretty conversations,” when really you are trying to figure out if she’s my child. I think I’ve had enough. Did your Mom teach you no manners? Have you been living under a rock recently or have you not noticed that it is 2009. Are we really still surprised when we see children that have parents that do not necessarily look like them? Let’s be serious.

I am going to enlighten you on (what I feel) are the rules of engagement when encountering something that doesn’t register on your radar.

It is okay if you want to compliment someone’s child, no one is going to stop you from telling them how pretty their child is. It is NOT appropriate, however, to inquire about the race/ethnicity of someone’s child. You wouldn’t ask a grown person “What are you?” (unless you were looking to get knocked/cussed out), so why would you think it was okay to ask what their child is? Wait- let me guess- you didn’t think. On that same note, it’s not okay for you to ask the parent “Is she mixed, what is she mixed with?” What does that mean? Is she mixed…she’s shaken, not stirred. Really? Is she an alcoholic beverage?

It is none of your business “what my child is.” She’s a human being, that’s what she is. She is a child of God, that’s what she is. What the f* are you? Just because when you look at her, she doesn’t fit into a specific box (black, white, other…) doesn’t mean that she needs to clarify that for you.

It is also not appropriate for you to “touch the merchandise.” Do you really think that after being in the grocery store for over an hour, after having my child throw a tantrum and waiting in line forEVER to get checked out, that I want to turn around to see you TICKLING MY DAUGHTER’S FEET??! Have you lost your mind?

She is not a piece of clothing hanging on a rack that you can check out. Do not touch my child, or anyone else’s child for that matter. If you don’t know someone, they are off limits to touch. We have an unspoken personal space rule in this country- or does that not apply to infants? (It does by the way) And tickling? That’s just ridiculous! Borderline pedophilia… I’m just saying.

I know that she has nice, curly hair (It’s because of what she’s “mixed with”), but no you may not just randomly touch it. She won’t even let ME touch her hair when I need to comb it so that we can go out- why would I let you touch it? She’s not a dog to be stroked. Don’t touch. It’s rude! Just as rude as touching my stomach when I was pregnant- do I know you? No. This isn’t public property. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll go up to a random woman that’s not pregnant and start rubbing her stomach- how well do you think that will go over? (Yeah… not so much)

I have been considering the multitude of shirts that I should acquire to instruct you so that you no longer act on your own ignorance.

Shirt #1 (For the baby):  “Yes, she’s my Mommy”

Shirt #2 (For me):  Arrow pointing to my face with text underneath that says “The Maid”

Shirt #3 (For me): “I’m not sure what she’s mixed with, that night is all a blur…”

Shirt #4 (For me): “I’m adopted.”

Shirt #5 (For the baby): “Look, but don’t touch”

And I could go on, but I digress.

You are very lucky that you have not encountered me with these ridiculous questions while I was in the presence of my husband. He, is less tolerant of stupidity than I am and is very likely to tell you something about yourself. Beware.

Hopefully I have been able to enlighten you a bit, since clearly, you have been living in the dark ages. Next time you see me out on the street, if you have any more questions, don’t ask me… rather, keep your mouth shut and your stupid thoughts to yourself. I may not be as nice next time. I am actually over it. Mmkay? Thanks so much.

Warmest Regards,

Me

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