I go into the garage to put a disturbingly smelly diaper straight into the outside garbage and what happens?
I hear the house door shut.
Whatever. She has shut it before.
I turn around to go back in the house, turn the knob… and it’s locked!
Deep breaths.
“Can you open the door for Momma?” {Door knob jiggles}
“Pea… open the door please” {More jiggling, then nothing}
In my mind: FUCK!
I go around the side of the door to the back patio- fuckin’ locked.
SONOFABITCH!
I peep in through the blinds, which are closed (cause I’m a fuckin VAMPIRE and like to keep the blinds shut and the 100+ degree sunshine out) so I can’t really see her, but I kind of can.
We keep a little dowel in the patio door to keep it closed b/c it doesn’t really shut well otherwise. Baby C ALWAYS, ALWAYS plays with said dowel. Walking around the house with it like she’s a damn baton twirler. Today?
“Can you get the stick for Momma? Take the stick out of the door for Momma please…”
{dead stares, laughter and the pitter-patter of little feet running away}
She comes back to the patio door, looks out the blinds and is smiling cause she found Mommas hard candy- and Curious George is on TV? Jackpoooot!
“Come here Pea, can you take the stick out the door for Momma please?”
nothin
I call my husband at work and tell him that I may just have to call the Police and he is convinced that if I do, they may alert child protective services.
Really? Fuck.
Worst. Mom. Moment. Ever.
Call my mom, she’s trying to talk me down, but my kid is starting to lay on the rug- looks like she’s ready for a nap.
FUCK! NO NO NO- don’t sleep!
Long story short?
9-1-1
“Uhhh yeah Ma’am, if Fire & Rescue comes out there, they are just gonna kick your door in, so you may just wanna call your landlord.”
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me.
Call my landlord. And I just lose it.
I’m crying, it’s fuckin 10070million degrees outside and my kid is stuck in the house.
Awesome. This is a fine moment.
Landlord calls her husband b/c he’s closer and he’s on his way, it’ll be like 10 minutes.
Sweet.
What next? Fuckin dog starts barking and I hear “hello”
I walk around the house- it’s the Sheriff.
Fuck, I’m in trouble.
I wonder if they’ll handcuff me for like child endangerment.
He talks it out with me. Tells me to keep an eye on the kiddo through the half-closed blinds and he’ll walk around the house, see if he can get in.
Next? Sheriff #2 shows up, then? Sheriff #3
Mother of God I hope my neighbors aren’t all outside now.
Worst. Mommy. Moment. EVER.
By some act of GOD my Sheriff finds a way to get a window open, climbs in it and saves the mothafuckin day.
Thank you, Lord.
I just burst into tears when I saw my kid… thinking when in the HELL did you learn to lock a lock? Just today? Awesome. The DAY my kid learns what makes a lock- lock- she locks me out of the house.
Ugh.
Disaster.
WORST MOMMY MOMENT EVER.
Tell me your worst mommy moments so I don’t feel so bad and wanna go wallow in self-pity by the name of Petron.
Come on…don’t copy- get your own material. Nobody likes a cheater! Original & Hand Written Plagiarism Will Be Detected. This site is being monitored by CopyGator. Mmkay? Thanks.
Oh my goodness. I would’ve been freaking out. So glad everything turned out, okay. The kid has locked me out of the car before – on purpose.
I shouldn’t laugh Bree, but I did. On purpose? OMG… kids.
So happy it is not just me. My son Matt (3) is constantly doing things like that. The other day when we got home (I first took off my bra cause it is freaking hot and I hate to keep the girls restrained) Matt informed me that he left his toys out in the car and they will be lonely. Whatever! I put the dogs out in the back yard and told Matt to wait by the door and do NOT let the dogs IN. I get to the car and hear Matt say “Hey Momma! I am letting the dogs OUT!” Crap, I have a 100+ American Bulldog who takes off with our 40 pound mutt right behind him. Matt is rolling because I am screaming and trying to catch them. Apparently, that is pretty funny top a three year old. They take off down the road so I grab Matt and put him in the car unbuckled since I am just going down the street in our neighborhood. I trap the dogs into a neighbor’s yard (I think). I finally catch the little one and put her in the back seat. The car is running and the emergency break is on. Then, I start trying to wrangle Stan Lee who thinks this is a great game and continues to nip me in the butt and take off again. When I get him in the car, Matt is sitting in my seat. I shut the back door and hear the locks. Matt proceeds to sit in my seat pounding on the horn while I am trying to convince him to let his braless Mom in the car. Had quite the audience before he got bored and let me in. I swear, he makes me tired.
Oh my goodness you had me in stitches. I love the way you write
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We had the same thing happen a week or so ago! My 5-year-old and I were outside talking to the neighbor, and my husband was inside with not just one but two two-year-olds. He walked outside to take out some trash, and my son pushed the door shut behind him. And the door was locked. The kids were running laps around the kitchen table and giggling hysterically for the entire 20-or-so harrowing minutes, while I tried in vain to find a locksmith who could get there in less than an hour. We ended up borrowing a ladder from a neighbor, and my husband climbed up to the deck and talked my son into opening the sliding door. I’m so glad he was home, because our deck is about 20 feet off the ground, and I’m afraid of heights.
I was baby sitting once and as I put the kid in the car seat he grabbed my keys just as I shut the door. So yeah, someone else’s kid locked in my car. In the East Bay. In August. By some miracle I managed to get my arm in the 2 inches the window was cracked and as he dropped the keys I caught them. But I almost busted out the window on my new car trying to get that kid out!
Minky´s last [type] ..layzee
OMG D…first I have to confess that I did get a kick out of the story. Not the part where you were worried (because I can’t imagine how scary that must feel) but the part where C find’s the candy and is just chillin’ watchin Curious George…that little girl is just too much. In any case, I’m sure it was not funny when it all was happening but just think, a few years from now you will be telling her the story of what she did and you two will laugh about it:-).
Miss ya bunches.
Wow! Been there done that! But in the fricking car!!! Yes my kid lock me out of the car an fell asleep, people were banging on d windows, even rocking d car and he would not wake up…This all happened in a split second. U r a better mom than me; as nervous as I was I did not cry, and in my mind all I could think of was: ” when am I gonna wake up from this nightmare?” Yes as fun as parenting is, there are days when I desperately ask God to make time go by fast… so there! Cheers to all of us mothers trying to keep it together!
Don’t feel bad. I remember when my youngest was a baby,(19) years ago, I went to the doctor, came out put the child in his car seat put my car keys down on the seat to put him in, shut the door, and left my keys on the back seat. Now, this child had a bad habit of coming out of his car seat when not to, but I tried to do the same thing you did, trying to talk to him to open the lock. Did he, now I’m getting worried, he starts to cry, and I just lost it. Called 911 for them to come and jimmy the lock, guess what, the child finally came out of his seat opened the door right as the fire truck pulled up. Let me tell you, as mothers we try to protect our kids, but as a grandma of 5 and 4 kids, I have seen the darnest things kids do. Kids will make us loose our minds by doing things we did not think they could do. You are a good mom, you just have a very hyperactive child, and when a child is like that, it is not easy. It’s all life, just hang in there. this is coming from a pro I think after raising so many. Good Luck.
We had just moved so L was probably 4-5 months old. I don’t know. She could sit by herself but not crawl or anything. I locked myself out while taking out a box and totally freaked out. No cell phone, didn’t know the neighbors, and hubby was on his way to work. Luckily I could see her through the back door so I knew she was ok but it was only a matter of time.
I ran over to a neighbor’s house and said “hi. I’m your new neighbor. I’m locked out of my house and freaking out. My baby is in there!” Yeah- weird. Neighbor was home with his 2 kids and cooking dinner but he graciously came over and started trying to break into our house. I used his cell phone call my hubby but he didn’t pick up because he didn’t recognize the number on caller ID!
L was still oblivious but I wasn’t going to take any chances. I finally got ahold of hubby who was gonna call a locksmith and JUST THEN, THE NEIGHBOR SOMEHOW UNLOCKED THE DOOR! I have no idea how he did it but I was so thankful!
The next day I went and got several extra keys made and gave them to our neighbors and family that live close by. Sigh- I felt horrible though!
My DH did the same thing to my MIL when he was a toddler! That’s why I always have one door to the house that has a combination entry. DS can never lock me out. Takes a worry off my mind. Thanks for sharing
Glad it all turned out okay.
Do not feel bad. When my daughter was less than a year old I locked her in the car. With the only set of keys I had. I put down my keys to strap her into the carseat and I gave her a bottle. As soon as I closed the door I realized my keys were sitting on the seat.
I was scared and mortified and frantic. I pounded on the windows and pleaded with her to drop the bottle and unbuckle herself (and she obviously looked at me like I was a nutbag, because, hello). Ironically a cop was cruising down the street but he didn’t stop. I ran inside and got my younger brother who managed to break in through the window somehow. I didn’t care why he knew how to do that just that he was saving my baby. When I look back now I laugh at my own stupidity but then? I was a Wreck. With a capital W.
Someday you will look back at this and laugh…because…actually…that little bugger locking you out and kind of mocking you at the same time? It will be as funny to you as it is to me right now.
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Thanks, Katie. xoxo
I dropped Eddie off the bed. Ok…more accurately, he was standing, I told him to sit. For once he LISTENS and sits, but missed. lands on his back. knocks the wind out. there is much crying. by both.
the day he tripped over my foot and bit his lip and it bled all over as he screamed? not a proud day either.
Sigh…
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Oh, D, I totally did the same thing when I first moved into my apartment. I didn’t know the sliding glass door locked automatically when you shut it and K-Dub and I ended up locked out on the balcony. Next thing you know, she’s chewing on the printer cord and I can’t get it. Well, thank God, he was still here then and he jumped off the balcony (like 15 ft. off the ground) and got maintenence. I was hysterical. You aren’t alone babe.
Baby M also decided to attempt a flip off the coffee table today. That didn’t work out so well for her either.
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