Yes folks, that’s a scorpion. A dead one, but a scorpion none the least.

You’re welcome.

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Hubby: (comes to see said life sized bug)

Me: “See? What is it? Damn desert bugs”

Hubby: (pushing said bug with the broom) “Uhh honey, it’s a cricket.”

Me: “A cricket?!? NOOooo”

Hubby: “Yes, see?”

Me: “Oh. Well… . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: You Know You’re From Brooklyn If…]]> Me: “Eww honey, quick, come look at this life-sized dead bug on the porch.”

Hubby: (comes to see said life sized bug)

Me: “See? What is it? Damn desert bugs”

Hubby: (pushing said bug with the broom) “Uhh honey, it’s a cricket.”

Me: “A cricket?!? NOOooo”

Hubby: “Yes, see?”

Me: “Oh. Well… I’ve never seen one before. I thought crickets were green?”

Hubby: “The green ones are grasshoppers honey.”

Me: “Oh……. You can tell I’m from Brooklyn- never seen a damn cricket.”

Hubby: “Ya’ll don’t have any grass there.”

Me: **gasp** “Excuse me… yes we do!”

The Culprit!
(Image taken from Jimmy Requa)

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You heard me.

Yesterday I went to the Doctor for my yearly visit to get my pap-smeared (fun, fun). Nice, funny, tiny little black lady- we had lots of small talk and laughs. She kinda reminded me of Dr. Bailey on Grey’s.

Problem 1: I mentioned to the PA that . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: I’m Allergic…]]> To California.

You heard me.

Yesterday I went to the Doctor for my yearly visit to get my pap-smeared (fun, fun). Nice, funny, tiny little black lady- we had lots of small talk and laughs. She kinda reminded me of Dr. Bailey on Grey’s.

Problem 1: I mentioned to the PA that the chest pain I went to Urgent Care for about a month ago and to the Doctor two weeks ago is still there and very persistent. She decided that I should have an EKG. That came out “within normal limits” and we talked about the possibility of it being due to my asthma- WHICH by the way has been inactive for… about 6 or 7 years? And all of a sudden it’s flared up and I can’t breathe well? Seriously? Seriously.

Next Step: I need to go and have a pulmonary function test, refill my inhaler and take it- often- and then we’ll go from there.

Problem 2: Two days ago I found a lump in my left breast. Really I had a pain in that boob, so I felt it and there was a lump. To make sure I wasn’t being neurotic, I waited until Hubby got home and asked him to feel for it too- and it was definitely there. So, since I was going to get my pap-smeared the next day, I waited to ask the Doc then.

She felt my boob and mentioned that they were “a bit lumpy” and that it could be fibro cystic somethingortheother. Whatever it is, it hurts.

Next Step: Due to my family history, on my mother’s side, of many different types of cancers- 1 resulting in death, I have to go have an ultrasound on my breasts and then we’ll go from there.

Problem 3: Hey Doc… soOO I think I’m getting a yeast infection.

You know what the next step is for that.

Problem 4: Chronic nausea/heartburn. I have tried two different heartburn medications- yet and still I feel like there’s a fire in my throat, I burp all day and I feel like something is stuck in my throat/upper chest.

Next Step: The Doc asked about my appetite… which we know is not all that great. I maybe eat twice a day, more focused on other things- which I know is bad. Do I eat fast food? Um yeah! I have an ongoing craving for french fries and sometimes- milk shakes.

I got a long Mommy-style lecture from the Doc that went something to the tune of “Put junk in, get junk out” and she basically said I need to eat more & eat better.

We talked about my health issues in the past and I let the Doc know that I hardly e-ver saw my Doctor back home (in Florida). Now, in Desert Town, California- I am sick all. of. the. time. WTF?!

Anyway, I told the Doc that I’m allergic to California, to which she laughed and let me know that I needed to try and get out more and do things not just for the baby, but for myself. She mentioned that my depression may be causing the heartburn- you know, the physical with the mental.

So… lots of tests and medicine in the future.

But it’s definitely California.

I know it.

…..I wonder if there’s a prescription for that.

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Wait for it…

Bored on a Saturday Afternoon?

How ’bout you and like 40 of your friends go stand around in a strip mall parking lot- THAT sounds like fun… I mean, that’s what I did in High School…..

This is the kind of stuff I have to deal with daily. Living in the desert means constant dust because it is SO windy. Add the dog hair to the mix and you have dust bunnies almost the size of your FIST. . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Bunnies!]]> But not the cute kind…

This is the kind of stuff I have to deal with daily. Living in the desert means constant dust because it is SO windy. Add the dog hair to the mix and you have dust bunnies almost the size of your FIST. Sweep, dust, sweep, dust. Can I put that on my resume? My friend Jill is such a cleaning whore, she would DIE if she lived here!

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That’s right. There are exactly 3 restaurants in this town claiming to serve some sort of Asian food, whether it be Thai, Chinese or both. Aaaand one of those places if you order a chicken dish, all you get is the chicken, no rice- nothin’. The . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Chinese Food Desert Style]]>

That’s right. There are exactly 3 restaurants in this town claiming to serve some sort of Asian food, whether it be Thai, Chinese or both. Aaaand one of those places if you order a chicken dish, all you get is the chicken, no rice- nothin’. The other place, we tried and it was okay and expensive as all hell. And I won’t even dare try the third place. So I drove up to Albertson’s. I figure if I’m gonna pay money for food that doesn’t taste all that great, I can just make it myself. Yup, that’s how we roll in the desert. Don’t hate.

BTW- that Orange chicken (pictured above) you can pass on it. Not so yummy. The Egg rolls, though? To die for.

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