I decided to skip the photos- you can thank me later.

1. Shit.

On Sunday this little family took our 64 pound mongrel dog (who thinks he’s a fuckin lapdog/Doberman) to get his balls cut off. We’ll talk about that in part 2, this is . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Shit. Balls. And Job Interviews.]]> Yes, this post is about all three.

I decided to skip the photos- you can thank me later.

1. Shit.

On Sunday this little family took our 64 pound mongrel dog (who thinks he’s a fuckin lapdog/Doberman) to get his balls cut off. We’ll talk about that in part 2, this is about the time spent waiting on said balls to be removed.

We went to walk around the mall. Not to buy anything, really, but to kill time. A tweep of mine, Kim, told me she took her iPhone to Radio Shack and traded it in for an iPhone 4. So, since I’m poor and couldn’t buy my husband anything for his birthday, I’ve really been trying to see how I could get this man a new phone. His iPhone is hurtin’ y’all. So, we go to Radio Shack to see if they’ll take his iPhone and how much damage it would cost to get a Samsung Galaxy S.

Now, you know I said this town is fuckin disgusting, right? So we’re standing in Radio Shack waiting to be helped when all of a sudden it smells like someone died in there. Yes, death. Or like an after-death fart that the body releases…. not. good. And I’m thinking who the fuck would come into a tight ass Radio Shack store and drop a bomb? I mean really? And there were a number of culprits. I look around…

fat lady (maybe), wheelchair guy (hmm..), old guy (bwahaha probably), family of 4 (hmmm)

I just walk away from the scent and just shake my head- people have no manners. At least go to the main area of the mall- leave the store if you need to pass gas- don’t kill us all. Then stay in the store- who wants to smell their own nasty ass fart? Not me.

About two minutes later, it smells like megadeath. Come on! Did someone fart a-gain? Really? So my husband says maybe it’s the baby- I put my  nose near her and dear God help us all! It was surely her. I’m thinking fuuuuuck dude. I just changed her Pull-Up. Cause right after I tried to get her to pee in the potty at Red Robin (she’s peed in public bathrooms before) she peed in the Pull-Up. And not a little pee, rather an I’ve been holding this all day and have had way too many sippy cups of juice and water kind of pee. So, I had to change her.

I go to inspect the megadeath smelly diaper and what do I see under her left leg? A puddle of poo.

Ho-ly shit.

Fuck.

Damn.

What am I supposed to do? We are in the mall and my kid is sitting in shit. I look across the hall from Radio Shack and there’s an Old Navy, so we head there.

I go in there bathroom while the husband shops for a NEW pair of shorts for the Pea and underwear? (Old Navy doesn’t SELL little girls’ underwear- fuck faces) I am left trying to clean the shit. My child is standing in the Old Navy family bathroom botomless, shit is still falling out of her ass somehow and as the shit hits the floor she continuously says “uh-ohhhh” (plop) “uh-ohhh.” Awesome little one. Awesome. So I not only have to clean shit off of my child and out of the stroller, but shit off of the Old Navy floor bathroom.

We make a mad dash for the car since she is wearing shorts and no underwear/pull-ups/diapers and we don’t know when the next blow out is going to occur. To Target! And fast! (Target was the closest thing, otherwise, I would’ve went to WalMart- hell yeah WalMart). And what do I find in the car? 1 Pull-Up and 2 WalMart brand diapers from a size ago. Thank God my car is a hot mommy mess or those diapers/pull-ups probably wouldn’t have been there.

Hot damn.

2. Balls

As I said we took our 4 year old boxer to get his balls cut off. It wasn’t my husband’s idea (that’s for sure). I had a yard sale last weekend JUST FOR THIS specific event. The mobile vet that comes 2 towns over charges $145 for a neuter/rabies shot/microchip. THEN, you can write to another town a bit further in the desert and as long as you are in the same county as them, they’ll give you a $55 voucher towards the spay/neuter- you just need to fill out an application and say why. (I am an unemployed teacher living with a 4 year old dog that has yet to be neutered- that’s why) So, $90 cash in hand (thank you yard sale) we take our dog to get neutered.

Why wait 4 years?

Well first of all he would’ve been neutered day ONE if my  husband wasn’t living in some kind of dream world where he thought we were gonna breed our dog cause “he’s a show dog.” No, honey, our dog was the last fuckin one left in the litter and has had every fuckin thing wrong that a dog could possibly have- mites, fleas, kennel cough, your mother’s cough- I mean it’s ridiculous. We have spent more money on this damn dog getting him dipped in shit and skin grafts and fecal samples for the love of GOD. Boxers can be prone to testicular cancer if it runs in their genetic line and frankly, our dog is a fuckin veterinarian accident waiting to happen, so he needed his balls removed stat cause I told my husband if they ever come to us saying our dog has cancer- he’s goin down. There’s no way I’m paying for chemo for a dog- I can’t even afford to take my own self to the dentist- are you kidding me?

Also, our dog has anxiety. Like walk around the house in circles can’t sit down always hearing shit barking at no one anxiety. He’s got mega separation anxiety. Every time my husband leaves the house, I think my dog dies and comes back to life. When we went away one holiday and had a dog sitter stay at our house, when we got back he said the dog sat at the door the whole time we were gone- just lookin outside. Holy wow doggie.

Someone said if we neutered him, he may calm down.

So snip, snip.

3. And Job Interviews.

As you know, I’ve been jobless for… let’s see 1 year, 24 weeks and 3 days.

Yeah… it’s been a long time.

And people say “well, at least you get to stay at home all day with your daughter.”

Uhh have you met my daughter? Queen of the fuckin world nobody can’t tell her shit? Yeah, her.

Staying home with her… has had it’s ups and downs, yes. I think she’s super smart (go me) but really? I belong at work. With grown-ups… well, sort of. I’m a teacher, so I am around kids, but they’re not my kids and I can send ‘em home. And? They are older- they are not 20 month old non-communicative little kids who cry all day for (what seems to me like) no reason whatsoever. Who like to throw shit from the high chair and say uh-oh and cry INCESSANTLY cause they can’t get their shoes on and GOD FORBID you try to put the shoes on for them- death be upon you.

She’s sitting at my feet crying right now cause I won’t let her climb up onto the piano/computer desk and pull down all of the “important” papers.

**sigh** Whatever.

So, California sucks donkey balls and though I’ve been on a boat load of interviews since moving here 1 year, 24 weeks and 3 days ago- no dice. No job.

I’ve started applying for jobs somewhere else- I don’t wanna say where just yet. And I promise you after sitting at my computer applying for eight jobs total. I’ve gotten three calls and it’s only  FUCKIN TUESDAY. So, I have two interviews tomorrow- one for a first grade teacher position and one at a daycare. Either would be great- and more money than I’m making right now.

I called my two best references from my old job that I miss- terribly. {Hi private upper crest school in Tampa Bay Florida} So they will be sure to call and put in a good word for me.

To you, my readers, I’m asking you to pray, kneel, bow to your God, god, buddha, Messiah, Jehovah, Yahweh, statue in your backyard, wish upon a star, cross your FINGERS AND TOES for me… please.

I need to get the FUCK out of California before I kill someone (that seems to be the thing to do here btw- kill people).

So… yeah.

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That was me and dogs. I was always afraid of dogs. I don’t know why. My father was never a dog person, so we were never allowed to have one and . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: The One About Pitbulls and Babies]]> You know how you can be afraid of something just out of sheer ignorance because you don’t know much about it?

That was me and dogs. I was always afraid of dogs. I don’t know why. My father was never a dog person, so we were never allowed to have one and I just always found myself being afraid of dogs. My older sister is afraid of dogs too, though she probably wouldn’t admit it to you. LOL

Then I met my husband. He has always had dogs in his life. He wanted a boxer. I was hesitant, but when we saw that little face at 6 months old- he stole my heart.

Look at that little baby face!

I bought books on the boxer breed to learn about what I was in for. I bought Cesar Milan’s book on training your dog and I bought a few other books on training puppies. Almost all by myself, I trained out little guy into the loveball he is today.

Hubby and I socialized him early- taking him to dog parks to horse around with other dogs- he was SO afraid at first- there were greyhounds and labs and they were all bigger than him. He went to the dog beach and we learned early on that Kingston was not a fan of water. He also had many visitors in our home back in Florida- all of our friends would come over.

He learned how to play nicely with other dogs. He learned how to behave around other humans besides his owners. Most importantly, we provided him with an outlet for his energy. Hubby took him rollerblading and running (and still does).

I have never owned a pitbull, but I have definitely considered it. Remember those gorgeous blue nose pit puppies I saw at Walmart?

Pitbulls and Boxers belong to the same bulldog family- along with the English Bulldog, American Bulldog, Bull Mastiff, Boston Terrier and so many other breeds. Why is the pitbull the only one in that bunch that is “aggressive”? I am convinced that if we wanted to raise our boxer to be aggressive- we could have.

This article from Mom Logic highlights the recent death of a 2-year old to the family pitbull. The first thing that came to my mind was- what is the dog’s history. Did they adopt the dog? Did they have it since it was a puppy? Do they monitor the children’s interactions with the dog? How was the dog introduced to the baby? Is the dog provided with enough ways to release it’s energy? I am in no way blaming the family for this event and I pray for them- I would not wish this on anyone. But these are the things that I considers even for my dog.

When we brought Baby C home from the hospital- we did the “bring the blanket home for the dog to smell.” We even bought a CD with sounds of a baby crying and played it from time-to-time for Kingston before Baby C came home- and it’s a good thing because he was in for a boat load of crying!

Even now after almost two years of being with Kingston, I still monitor her interactions with him. Kingston has a lot of energy and Baby C doesn’t know her boundaries with him. She “pets” him really hard, pulls his ears, tries to climb on his back and hugs him almost to the point of choking. He has growled at her before and tried to jump on her once because he thought she was playing with him. These behaviors are quickly corrected- not only with the dog but with Baby C as well. She needs to know how to properly interact with the dog and what things are not okay.

Smacking Kingston in his head and pulling his ears- not okay.

Trying to climb on his back? Not okay.

Trying to feed him rocks? Not okay.

My husband cautioned me to not sound like I am making excuses for the pitbull, so I hope that is not how I sound. I guess what I am trying to say is that we don’t know all of the facts. Before we write off pitbulls and other “aggressive breeds” for good, we should know all of the facts.

Would I own a pitbull with my kids? Yes. I have even considered a Rottweiler. I wouldn’t rescue a pit or rottweiler, though. I wouldn’t rescue a Doberman either- though Hubby’s dad owns a gorgeous Doberman wit a big attitude and loud bark over in Nebraska. Why is she so angry? Her past history with old owners. We don’t let Baby C near her because of that. She’s a sweet girl deep down, but not socialized for kids.

What do you think about pitbulls and other “aggressive breeds”? Do you own an “aggressive dog”- would you?

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It was a bird. Not a giant bird like you . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: The One About A Dead Bird and Deez]]> A few weeks ago I was sitting on the sofa and heard a crunching sound- the same noise that I am used to hearing when the dog is eating his food- except the dog was sitting right at my feet. What the…

It was a bird. Not a giant bird like you would think- though we do have a crow issue here in the desert- it was a regular ol’ little bird sitting on the edge of his dog food bowl eating his kibble. And if you know anything about birds, they kept comin’ back and comin’ back. They told all of their homies that there was food on our patio and they came too.

“I have got to get a bird feeder.”

So that’s what I did. I got this snazzy bird feeder and hung it up. It took a while, but the birds, they came. I was kinda happy because all of a sudden birds were comin’ outta the wood works like I had never seen. Pretty ones too! I was just hoping the crows would stick to eating dead coyotes on the side of the road and not choose my backyard as a feeding ground.

THAT folks is a dead bird. May s/he rest in peace!

MY DOG IS NOW A MURDERER!

I called my friend Marita right away horrified when I saw him pushing and kicking this around the yard like a damn chew toy. Not only is she my friend, but she’s my go-to animal expert having years of experience working with animals- dogs in particular. She’s my personal Dog Whisperer- move over Cesar Milan.

Anyway, when I told B (as I so affectionately call her) that Kingston ate a bird there was silence on the other end (like ooookay- and?) and she basically told me to get my panties out of a bunch cause that’s what dogs do. (She didn’t use those words, she’s way too nice for that) I’m all like “he’s never killed a bird before!!!!!”

I guess 2+2 always makes 4, though. I now have a bird feeder, so the birds will come, so they will intrigue him and if the bird feeder is close enough to the ground where he can jump and possibly hit one- he will. He’s a dog. SO I moved the bird feeder from the light post out back into the tree high up. Hopefully he doesn’t leave anymore surprises for me to pick up.

Luckily, the Circle Of Life stepped in and a crow took it away before I had to go and scoop the dead bird up. Thanks, crows- you serve a great purpose.

In Other News

Baby C is learning how to use the word ‘please’ properly.

She’s been able to say please for a while, though of course, she didn’t really know how to use it in context. It was more upon request. I have been trying to teach her how to say please and when it’s the right time to use the word.

This morning while eating her breakfast, I was clearly not putting the food on her tray fast enough and she started to “eeehhh, ehhhh” Yeah… I don’t like that- use your words. We have been practicing things like:

“What do you say?“

“Say Please, Mommy or Please, Daddy“

Blah, blah, blah

She wanted more oatmeal, so I said “What do you say?” and she says:

“Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez” (aka Please)

Yessssssssss.

Mommy Success.

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Sleepy Girl, Sleepy Dog- Happy Mommy.

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This is the kind of stuff I have to deal with daily. Living in the desert means constant dust because it is SO windy. Add the dog hair to the mix and you have dust bunnies almost the size of your FIST. . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Bunnies!]]> But not the cute kind…

This is the kind of stuff I have to deal with daily. Living in the desert means constant dust because it is SO windy. Add the dog hair to the mix and you have dust bunnies almost the size of your FIST. Sweep, dust, sweep, dust. Can I put that on my resume? My friend Jill is such a cleaning whore, she would DIE if she lived here!

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We took a family trip to Wal-Mart to buy groceries, like we usually do on Sundays.

Right outside of Wal-Mart are two guys, each holding one of these:

Image taken from OLX.com

If you don’t know much about dog breeds, this, . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Milk, Eggs, Bread… Puppy]]> What? That’s not your average grocery list?

We took a family trip to Wal-Mart to buy groceries, like we usually do on Sundays.

Right outside of Wal-Mart are two guys, each holding one of these:

Image taken from OLX.com

If you don’t know much about dog breeds, this, friends is a “blue nosed Pitbull” aka one of the cutest dogs EVER. Besides my bad ass dog, of course.

I asked the guy how much and without even blinking he said $600.

HA! Are you smoking crack bald guy standing outside of Wal-Mart trying to sell pitbulls which I’m sure is illegal but maybe it’s not in this crazy ass state of California. (yup, that’s one sentence)

I pet the dogs and whispered sweet nothings in their ears, then proceeded into Wal-Mart to buy my groceries… Six Hundred Dollars. Yeah right! We only paid $350 for our defective ass dog. Probably cause he was the only one left from the litter. Probably because as a pup he had every medical problem a puppy could have…. and he’s a little slow on the uptake. Maybe that’s why he was on sale.

Image taken from Brooklyn Blue Pitbulls

Look at that face, though. Don’t you just wanna kiss and cuddle it? So cute. So cute. I know that pitbulls have a reputation that precedes them, but like Cesar Milan says, it’s not the dog with the issue, it’s the owner. Kingston belongs to the same family as pitbulls and bulldogs are just sweetie pies.

I know I don’t want another dog. Maybe not until the one we have dies, not that I’m wishing him dead or anything. But they were just so cute!!!

Don’t those idiots know that people shop at Wal-Mart for the cheap prices? Who do they think is walking around with $600 cash in their wallet? I don’t even have 600 pennies in my wallet. Shit, I don’t think I have one penny. It’s all debit. I never have cash.

Oh but those little guys were so cute. I may be adding that to my list of possible dogs to own in the future along with rottweiler and doberman.

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