And used in the absolute correct context as well.

Now, I know what you’re thinking “Really Dawana? Your mouth is more filthy thank a poopy diaper… are you surprised at the dropping of the s-bomb?”

I know guys. I cuss a lot.

And for . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Oh Shiz]]> Well really it was more like “Oh Shit!”

And used in the absolute correct context as well.

Now, I know what you’re thinking “Really Dawana? Your mouth is more filthy thank a poopy diaper… are you surprised at the dropping of the s-bomb?”

I know guys. I cuss a lot.

And for some reason, my brain is so well programmed that it turns off at the sound of the bell at 8:05 and my cursing turns back on at about 3:15 pm.

And yes, I cuss at home.

And I know, I need to tone it down.

I just get so fired up about so many things and they just come out.

But oh y’all…

Yesterday…

Pea was helping me make rice… and I use the term “make” lightly, meaning we just dumped rice and water into the rice cooker (but that’s beyond the point).

Anyway, as we are pouring rice into the rice cooker, some fell on the counter and

“Oh tit”

Wait…what?

“Pea, what did you just say?”

“I tay- Oh tit”

**sigh**

(Enter feelings of great sadness, guilt and absolute #MOMMYFAIL)

Start Pea’s first true Mommy Lecture

Now, I’ve gotten many Mommy lectures and I’ve given many First Grade Teacher lectures, but I’m no expert, so I thought the only way to explain to her that shit was a bad word was to repeat it.

Right? (Oh please say yes)

“Pea?

Yet Mommee

We do not say oh shit… those are really bad words and do we say bad words?

No way!

Right, so Mommy doesn’t want you to say oh shit those are bad words and bad words are only for Mommys and Daddys to say sometimes, not big girls or babies Okay?

Otay Mommee

So, do we say bad words?

No Mommee

Okay, so are you supposed to say oh shit?

No Mommee, I towee”

Phew. Crisis averted for now.

I’m sure more bad words will come out and really? It’s my fault. I say it, she repeats it. I’ve gone almost 3 years without her dropping any curse word bombs.

So. I may have revoked my good Mommy card for about 5 seconds yesterday, then I gave it back to myself because… it could’ve been worse.

She could’ve said oh shit at school.

That would’ve been embarrassing.

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Cause we could all use a laugh right now.

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Image borrowed from JamesPreller.com

Crayola.

What comes to mind when you hear that name/word?

Grandeur, maybe?

Crème de la crème, possibly?

Top of the motha-frickin’ line crayons.

As an Elementary School teacher I work with crayons on a regular basis. And not for coloring (because God forbid we let . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: How Crayola Ruins My Life… Day After Day]]>

Image borrowed from JamesPreller.com

Crayola.

What comes to mind when you hear that name/word?

Grandeur, maybe?

Crème de la crème, possibly?

Top of the motha-frickin’ line crayons.

As an Elementary School teacher I work with crayons on a regular basis. And not for coloring (because God forbid we let the kids just. color.) but for true academic enrichment.

Today, in summer school we were identifying certain nouns and marking them with various colors. I was nervous the second I chose to use that worksheet because children. Little 5, 6, and 7 year old children who are able to read just enough to let you know what something says can’t just color.

They can’t.

It’s so hard.

For example, if I say to you “let’s find as many verbs as possible and color the verbs red.” Easy, right?

No.

I get “Mrs. H… this isn’t red, this is “Brick Red” or “Orange Red” and I need red!

Mrs. Hhhhhhhhhh (put on your most whiny voice). This isn’t pink it’s  mulberry or salmon.

This isn’t blue it’s teal blue.

Really Crayola?

Did they miss the memo about how persnickety children are? Especially when they know that they know something?

r-e-d spells red, not b-r-i-c-k r-e-d

b-l-u-e spells blue, not t-e-a-l

Too many color options slows up learning time with people fighting/arguing/complaining about colors.

SHE WON’T LET ME BORROW THE BLUE TO COLOR THE NOUN I FOUND!!!!!!!

HE’S NOT SHARING THE YELLOW!!!!!!

Keep. It. Simple.

I’d rather parents just go to the Dollar Tree and get a cheaper box of crayons with the basic colors. Brown, not Raw Sienna. Yellow, not Sunglow. Green, not Tropical Rain Forest.

But of course, kids know the difference between Crayola and the knock-offs, it’s as crazy as if you bought them Payless shoes instead of Nike shoes. Crayola are the “real crayons” and then there’s the “other stuff.”

I? Get to say stuff like “come on now, there are so many different shades of blue, just use the Violet Blue, I don’t have time to listen to you argue with me about the shade of blue not being right” or “Okay, since you need to wait for the shade of green you want, would you like to do this at recess instead since you can’t complete it now?“

You can see the most up-to-date list of Crayola colors, with photos, on Wikipedia.

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I am sitting here laughing at myself because not only do my husband and I know 1 too many Nick Jr. songs, but we sing ‘em- out loud… and we may even snap our fingers and tap our feet.

Oh it is bad.

Nick Jr. is a little temptress whore, reeling . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Oh Nick. Jr, You Dirty Temptress Whore (Secret Mommy-hood Confession)]]>

I am sitting here laughing at myself because not only do my husband and I know 1 too many Nick Jr. songs, but we sing ‘em- out loud… and we may even snap our fingers and tap our feet.

Oh it is bad.

Nick Jr. is a little temptress whore, reeling me in with these damn catchy tunes. Today in the car? I was humming the Family song by the Laurie Berkner Band (why do I even know the name of this band?) and Pea wasn’t even in the car!

Oh but friends, I’m not gonna just tell you about ‘em, you’re gonna see and hear ‘em so you can have these damn songs stuck in your head.

Don’t laugh. They are CATCHY DAMN IT! And I learn stuff.

I know not to bite my friends:

I know what a map is:

and seriously, this song teaches me nothing, but for the love of God I have to sing it. When it’s on, when it’s not on…. people, I even looked on iTunes to buy it for myself err Pea, but it’s $1.99. Seriously? $1.99? I’m not paying $1.99 for a children’s song. I’m just not.

Uh huh, I see you tapping your feet. Bopping your head. Yeah. Don’t judge me.

Alright, I can’t give Nick Jr. anymore air time on my blog, they already take up a great deal of my tv life.

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Nope, those aren’t my words, but rather those of Adam Mansbach in his new book.

Read my review here. If you are a parent and have a sense of humor, you will love this book.

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{Yes?}

I wahn do pway. I wahn go swide. (I want to go play, I want to go slide)

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Yes?}

Dah scaweeee. (That’s scary)

Mommeeee. Mommeeee. (Cause she can never say my name just once)

{Yes?}

Ih wed. (It’s red)

{Yes, it is red Pea.}

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Getting . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: So Many Words]]> Mommeeee. Mommeee.

{Yes?}

I wahn do pway. I wahn go swide. (I want to go play, I want to go slide)

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Yes?}

Dah scaweeee. (That’s scary)

Mommeeee. Mommeeee. (Cause she can never say my name just once)

{Yes?}

Ih wed. (It’s red)

{Yes, it is red Pea.}

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Getting super frustrated… Yes Pea?}

Ma tock eh mittin. (My sock is missing)

{Where is your sock?}

Qwergthjkmng Ttyujkilmnbg Yghjklkmnbgv (aka some inaudible speech)

{What?}

Rdfghjk,mnb Yhyjkl,mnb Dfghjkijuy(more inaudible speech)

{Umm okay. Plan B: Hun! Have you seen her sock?! (It’s down here, she threw it off) Okay, Pea, your sock is downstairs, Daddy has it. You cannot say your sock is missing if you throw it off, okay?}

Mittin tock o gun- accompanied by baby sign language sign for finished/all done (Missing sock all done)

{You can’t say missing sock all done, that makes no sense}

Otay Mommeeee. (Okay Mommy)

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Yes?}

I tee bwoo car. (I see a blue car)

{Yes, that is a blue car}

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Yes?}

Ih all gone. (It’s all gone)

{Yup, it’s all gone}

Mommeeee. Mommeeee.

{Yes, Pea.}

Ih a pork. (It’s a fork)

{Yes, that is a fork}

{Mommy Sneeze}

Ga bweshoo Mommee. (God bless you Mommy)

{Thank you Pea}

Pea sneezes

{God bless you Pea}

Kank You Mommeee. (Thank you Mommy)

{You are so welcome}

{Mommy yawns}

Mommee sweepy. (Mommy sleepy)

{Yes Pea, Mommy is sleepy.}

NO! I DOH WAN TO!

(Excuse me?)

NO! I DOH WAN TO!

(That is very rude, you may not say that to your Mommy)

NO! I DOH WAN TO!

(Mommy proceeds to slap hand and repeat above said statement)

I towee Mommeee. (I’m sorry Mommy)

(MMhm)

She has so many words. It’s as though she woke up one day and had an entire vocabulary readily available. It’s a little crazy.

On Friday, I pick her up from school and I had my umbrella with me. One of the boys in her class picked up my umbrella and she shouts:

NO CJ. DAS MY MOMMEE UMBWEYA!!

It was amazing. And cute.

Not only was she sticking up for Mommy, like “hey, don’t touch my Mommy’s shit!” but all of the words that she put together in one sentence… just warmed my heart.

My baby is gettin big y’all.

Glamor shots, by Deb.

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It is no secret that we are a college football family. Have I ever mentioned how at 9 months pregnant I drove up to Gainseville to watch Florida play South Carolina, in the rain, and my child could have possibly been born at Ben Hill Griffin football stadium?

Whatever.

Now, we . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Throwback Thursday: NebrasK]]>

It is no secret that we are a college football family. Have I ever mentioned how at 9 months pregnant I drove up to Gainseville to watch Florida play South Carolina, in the rain, and my child could have possibly been born at Ben Hill Griffin football stadium?

Whatever.

Now, we live and breathe ESPN in this house (I love to call it “eh-spin”). My husband falls asleep and wakes up to ESPN (yes, I am married to a man that must fall asleep to TV background noise and if you turn it off in the middle of the night he will wake up- again, whatever…) and, about four years ago ESPN made a commercial that will forever be one of my favorite commercials.

And really, it’s hilarious not only because I think all ESPN commercials are funny, but because my husband is corn-fed Nebraska born and raised and you really need to know people from Nebraska to understand how deep-seated the Husker nation is.

My husband likes to say that the Huskers is all Nebraska has, that’s why the Husker Nation is so strong.

Sometimes, to me anyway, the funniest things are things that are not in the here and now, but things- like this commercial that happened a long time ago.

I think why this throwback video is even more funny to me today is that my husband recently decided he wanted to get personalized plates (football related, of course) as an homage to our beloved Florida Gators (Go Gators!) so he made a list and when I showed up to his office one day he asked me to help him complete the list with other suggested spellings:

• Go G8tors
• Go Gatorz
• any more ideas honey?

How is that not hilarious?

This throwback moment is my throwback Thursday laugh along with me.

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